On Marriage

To some marriage is a game changer. For me, I was married long before the ceremony.

Prior to meeting and falling in love with my husband I always wondered how people knew they wanted to get married. For me it more of a realization than a decision. My husband and I lived together prior to getting engaged. And there came a point where I realized I would always be with my husband for better or worse. For better or worse sounds so nice in wedding vows but when you say that you knew you would be with someone for better or worse it sounds like there might be a lot more worse than better.
In fact that is not the case. But I realized that though my husband had lots of wonderful attributes such as being sensitive and thoughtful, friends and funny, he also sometimes snored and liked “Die Hard” movies. And though these were not going to be the things I would brag to my friends about, I would marry them and live with them for the rest of my life just as I would live with the nice things. I realized that this is how my life was going to be. And I felt good about that.

In our vows my husband and I promised to love each other more each day. We joke about this a lot. That though it sounds romantic, it may be creepy by time we are 80 and totally obsessive about each other. But I think if you have found the right person, you do find something each day that is endearing, wonderful and sometimes even new.

Once we were actually married, not much changed between my husband and I. But the way people looked at us and our relationship did. Suddenly, the fact that “my husband” was sick, was a reasonable excuse to stay home with him. Or “my wife” is waiting was a good way to get out of an overly long meeting. When your boyfriend is sick, he should take care of himself and you should get your butt into work. Though your commitment to each other may have been strong before. People assume now that you wear a ring you are even more committed.

Marriage is not all about love. It is about intertwining your life, hopes, dreams and future to someone else’s life, hopes, dreams and future. Its about looking at that special person and knowing that in 50 years you want to be looking at them.

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