I have enjoyed cooking and learning about cooking for a very long time.

When I was a kid I asked for a kids’ baking/cooking set that was on the market. Instead my mom put together her own kit with actual grown up cooking tools (no knives) I also got a cookbook that was geared toward kids simple things that only required a little interaction with ovens. As I remember usually it said “Now get an adult to put this in the oven.” My favorite recipe from the cookbook, the title of which has faded from my memory was snickerdoodle cookies.

My love of cooking grew as I got old enough to actually stand at the stove and make things on my own.

And once I moved out on my own after college, I enjoyed coming up with cheap but tasty meals. My cooking and love of cooking as continued to expand. The more I learn, the more I enjoy it.

Cooking is very relaxing to me. If you don’t get how cooking is relaxing and meditative, watch the movie “How to Cook Your Life“. It totally captures many of my feelings about cooking. How chopping and things like that are thoughtful and comforting. Plus there is always a sense of completion which is such a rarity in a lot of life. I just love it.

And so now to my fantasy. I often fantasize about owning some sort of eatery. Day to day what kind of eatery changes. Some days it is a cute little bakery, other days it is a full blown restaurant and still others just a stand at the farmer’s market. But I am not a normal person who just sits and daydreams. I have a tendency to plan even for my fantasies. I have researched how to get a stand at the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market. Or looked up the cost of renting restaurant space.

But to date I have never made the steps toward attempting to make my hobby of cooking my career. The things that stand in my way is money, lack of training (my only actual job in the food service was working at a frozen yogurt shop when I was 16) and concern.

Though I have fears about having a failing food venture, my bigger concern is that if I made cooking and baking my job, it would cease to be a source of enjoyment. Instead of pouring over my cookbooks with excitement, I would feel a sense of dread. Instead of feeling a sense of achievement when my dish turned out, I would stress about if I could repeat the act 10 more times that day. And I am just not sure I am willing to give up the thrill I feel of cooking. While I envy people who turn their passions into careers I worry that I would only succeed in snuffing out my love of cooking by making it my job.

This doesn’t stop me from coming up with a step-by-step plan for success. It just stops me from executing it. At least…for now.