You are only 2 months old, so you are still figuring out how to live here on planet earth. While you are trying to learn how to put your thumb in your mouth (you’re so close), I am learning to be a mom. Before you got here, I was just some lady stumbling through my own life, sometimes knowing what I was doing, sometimes making mistakes. Then you arrived on the scene and suddenly I was someone’s mom. No one even checked if I was qualified!
Lucky for me, you are not yet forming memories that you will be able to easily recall for your therapist when you are 30. You won’t be able to tell her how you felt when you rolled off the pillow I placed you on while I went to get a blanket for you.
By the time you are old enough to form your view of me, I’ll (probably) seem more competent. By that time no one will refer to your dad and I as “new parents”, we’ll just be “parents” even though each experience with you will be as new to us. After all, I am not any more experienced at dealing with a 2 year old than a 2 month old.
My parents probably felt the same way. Even though they had another child, each child presents their own unique situations. They had to handle those situations in adult manner. They couldn’t just decide not to help me or tell me they were scared. And I will have to do the same. You will have problems that stump me, but I will have to muddle through because that is my job as your mom. I will be strong when you need support even if inside I feel a bit frightened, because as a mom that is what is required of me.
I will also try to be honest with you about feelings because I think it is important you understand I am a person too. But I can’t put my baggage on you, it’s not fair to load you down. You’ll have enough of your own someday.
I hope you will see me as a good mom, but more likely you’ll just see me as “your mom” and that is okay too.